Pardon Request

On behalf of Senator Hanna and myself, we would like to ask our President to issue a pardon to the Jewish people of the world. We know in the past that they have committed crimes, started every major war, and upset the greatest animator of our history, Mr. Walt Disney. Oh, and they killed Jesus. We do not know why the Jews were so anti-Disney, nor why they murdered God's son, but it is cold hard fact that they did. Millions of people have died because of them. But we are a loving and forgiving nation, and we ask that the President officially forgive them for their heinous acts so that we can move forward together!

Let's put an end to anti-Disney hatred and start anew, as is God's will!

Hey, I won't complain about the rest, but the Jesus thing wasn't us.

Wow, Dohn, you are actually stating that you believe the Jewish people have started all major wars

I hereby remove Jesus' murder from the list of crimes. That was the Romans. And of course, when in Rome, kill messiahs. I believe that is the phrase. Jesus was not an American so it really isn't our responsibility to deal with that anyway.

Drew, I'm obviously kidding.

Thank you, Mr. Wachob for clearing our collective name of a crime we did not commit.

Oh, and BTW, what are crimes are we accused of (besides the ones listed as you left the statement quite open ended)? I'd like to establish some defense.

This would not put an end to anti-Disney hatred, only strengthening those who hate it!

I say we crush the Jewish people. Crush them until they can never attack Walt Disney again!

Hey, we're willing to concede the Disney point you know.