Good things:

- his friends don't hate me (Yuko and Marcella have not abandoned me -- good sign, good sign -- and today I ate lunch with Yuko, Jason, Rachel, John. Half of the gang. And nobody was like, "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM." GOOD SIGN)

- I have stopped crying (okay, I stopped crying a couple of days ago) and I have also stopped compulsively eating chocolate, which I seem to have been doing quite frequently

- I am not an Emo Kid and everybody says I am "being so strong," although I really have no idea what that means

- ADVISING: I've sort of signed up (rather tentatively) for what classes I want to take next semester. They are [insert drumroll]
ENGL 314 - Shakespeare to the Neoclassical period (because if I had to take a WR [writing intensive] course in American lit I would bawl)
ENGL 311 - American Lit I (because this is the only course Colton and I might be able to take together -- he's already done some WR in American lit frim 1945-1960, gag me with a spoon)
ENGL 333 - SHAKESPEARE I (in all technicality I could probably sign up for ENGL 562 which is the really intense study of Shakespeare they have which requires junior standing, WHICH I SHALL HAVE by the end of this semester -- still, I figure it's better to take all the Shakespeare classes they have)
HUM 321 - Modern Fiction: Nineteenth Century Lit (taught by Michael Williams, perennial favourite in the Humanities department; Ben has a mancrush on him, is friends with him on Facebook, invites him to parties and plans to smoke with him before graduation. Then again, this is Ben we are talking about, soooooo yeah. Also, we'll be reading Madame Bovary again? I think? YAYYYYYY)
[hopefully] ENGL 401 - Literature, Medicine and Madness (WR) (honours course where they are reading Mrs Dalloway, The Yellow Wallpaper, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Bell Jar, etc etc etc. My fangirly heart weeps with joy, especially at the mention of Ginny Woolf. Also, it's taught by the professor who's a Joyce expert, who seems quite nice)
[if not that course] HON 3-- god only knows what number - Publishing Poetry (tentative, tentative; although it deals with indie publishing, it means writing poetry, which... I whip out a poem once every three months. It's just not my thing. I loathe much of my poetry. The most prolific poetry period of my life was my first two years of high school, where I was doing a poem or two every day. They all suck and are like, "MEHHHHH I LOOOOVE YOUUUUU DAMN IT EYELASHES EYELASHES I AM SOOOO EMOOOO." I don't think I want to do that.)
ENGL 202 - Intro to Creative Writing (required to take higher-level CW courses, but I feel like I should take this)
HIST 300-level (so apparently I only need four more classes to get a history minor? Dead serious -- one in European history, one in Asian/African/Central American history, and then two electives; also, up to 6 hours count towards my humanities degree? BALLIN'!)

I'm supposed to be taking 18 hours next semester because I asked so if all else fails I'll either get rid of one of the honours courses or I'll do Intro to CW next semester. AT ANY RATE IT IS EXCITINGTIEMS.

- prolific writing: three short stories written within the past month (not typical short stories, I mean one is 800 words, one is ~1700 words and written entirely in the second person ["You are standing in the hotel lobby"], one is probably ~800-900 words and I haven't typed it up but it's sort of... meh, that one I don't like so much). Topics:
- "Blue Danube" being played to signify a disaster in a hotel (involving a burning man sitting at a piano)
- a girl being killed by words (sort of a fantasy piece where she steals half the language and creates a cave)
- a girl convinced she has wings and then jumps off a roof; her friends briefly see the wings before she plummets to her death
Also, I might steal Flan's idea from The Basic Eight re: letters but whenever I think of that it reminds me that I HAVE A NOVEL TO FINISH and it's not even a very good novel but Cal/Marcus/Addy/Paul deserve that ending, even if they will die (well, one of them is going to die)
Have been writing in my journal a LOT which is good makes for fruitful thinking also makes for limited punctuation stream of consciousness and perpetual questioning re: whether Ben wants me to buy him lunch or not

- Seth doesn't hate me, Seth doesn't hate me, Seth doesn't hate me. Good sign indeed.

- Lit conference (besides the fact that he broke up with me after the last lecture on Friday) was enjoyable overall; panels on Molly Bloom in Ulysses, British identity/perceptions in recent literature (Ishiguro, Zadie Smith, Julian Barnes WHO I NEED TO READ RATHER BADLY and Forster who was the whole reason why I went to the panel, although he's not so recent), Ginny Woolf, Aesthetic Collaborations (references to Swift/Pope in the Ithaca episode of Ulysses except the lady spoke WAYYY TOO FAST and as a result nobody understood her paper, THE AESTHETIC HERO IN JOYCE AND FORSTER [Stephen Dedalus & Lucy Honeychurch -- excellent paper], W.H. Auden and collaborations [holy fuck he did a lot]), Helena Maria Viramontes (the Real Live Author), Flannery O'Connor (interesting but long), A PANEL RE: TWIBLAH (Twilight) which was the most amusing thing ever, especially since all the panelists hate the books, and one about subversive gender narrations, including papers on Middlesex, Almodovar's films, some guy from UB who presented a paper on gaydar in Vidal, etc etc). YAY FOR RUN-ON SENTENCES I WIN I WIN I WIN.

- I am writing about The Basic Eight for my humanities class, in relation to Barthes' "Death of the Author" essay. I am made of win, obviously.

- Yuko gave me a hug (Yuko gives excellent hugs)

- my birthday is in less than a week and I shall be eighteen (whoop whoop?)

Bad things:

- I miss him
and I don't care if he is still my friend, for I am still allowed to miss him, aren't I?