Seth just broke up with me.

By "just," I mean that he texted me earlier today and said, "I need to talk to you." I had a feeling then. We met up after I'd been to my last lecture of the day from the lit conference (where I met a Real Live Author who signed my book, how nice of her!) and we stood there and he told me he liked me but it just wasn't working. We are still friends. We're having lunch on Tuesday. He was nice about it and he said nice things. I tried to smile as much as I could. We then conversed about random things: the lights around us, squirrels, darkness. I told him once before, "You'll never be able to hurt me." And I'm glad he broke up with me because if you're not feeling comfortable, then you need to follow your heart and do what feels right. In all circumstances. Not that I'm saying that I'm like "OMG YAY WE BROKE UP!!1!" because it's not exactly like that. But I'm happy that he's staying true to himself. And I want him to be happy, too... even if it doesn't involve me.

I had always promised myself that when this day would come, I wouldn't cry. FAIL. ABSOLUTE FAIL. We walked away and as soon as I knew he was out of sight I ducked behind a building and cried a bit. Then I stopped because I heard people coming, so I came up to my room. Thankfully Brie wasn't in, so I sat on my bed, wrote "Seth just broke up with me" in my diary, and then cried some more. And now I'm okay. Well, I'm not entirely okay -- I am hurting, I shall not deny that -- but I'm glad that he did what he needed to do.

It doesn't help that there is a dance marathon going on in the Student Activities Centre as we speak (it's just outside my window) and it's full of all happy people who are bouncing around. Fuck that. I never gave him the cookies I made him so I just ate two of them. I don't care about being fat. I'm alone on a Friday night for the first time since New Year's -- why does that feel like so long ago? -- and it's the first time I've cried at UofL. So sue me. I suck.

Oh well?
How the fuck will I explain this to my mother?
And who changes their Facebook status first, him or me? Or are we supposed to do it in some coordinated effort?
Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. I want to cry.